Sunday, March 27, 2011

jab uske shehar me raha karte the

jab uske shehar me raha karte the,

hum bhi chup chap jia karte the..

aankhon me pyass hua karti thi,

dil me tufaan utha karte the..

log aate the gazal sunnane ko,

hum uski baatein kia karte the..

kisi virane me unse milkar,

dil me kya fool khila karte the..

ghar ki deeware sajane ki khatir,

hum naam uska likha karte the..

aaj uski tasveeer dekhi to yaad aaya,

hum bhi kabhi mohabbbat kia karte the..

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Autobiography of an unemployed Indian

Life is miserable especially when you pour all the money your dad saved for getting a degree which every third Indian is carrying. Yes, you guessed it right. I am an MBA graduate. And like the fortune of my fellow Non-IIM MBA graduate countrymen who very fondly persuaded the course, I am also unemployed. Well the scenario was never the same. I mean, I also had good times during my odyssey of MBA. To say the least my good moments lasted till the promises of our politicians lasts. I don’t remember why I chose to do MBA, though I have become a sort of politician in giving answers to the question time and again.
However, it has been a learning experience. MBA taught me the following things-

1. Good academics, extra curricular activities don’t get you a job, karma of your relatives working in corporate does.
2. Scope of MBA is good till the date you don’t get the degree. After that there is a complete generation of people with the same caliber and the piece of paper competing along with you.
3. You always tend to compare things in financial terms, and most of the times the outcome is that you are in loss.
4. Initially you have to tell 10,000 people that you are doing MBA, and finally you have to explain why did you committed the blunder an equal number of times.
5. Cut Copy Paste is the smartest way of doing anything.

After MBA life hasn’t changed a bit, except some more friends in my Orkut profile and some less money in my dad’s bank account. The reason I am still unemployed has various answers. But the best way it could be explained was done by one of my friends. He pointed towards the fruits vendor and said, “MBA graduates are like the pile of bananas. You can not differentiate one from the other. You can find them everywhere. There is a limited demand. Your only hope to be picked is to be on the top of the pile, and that my friend is not in your hands.”
Well as Murphy’s law would have wished, recession struck at the right time. I still wonder, recession actually happened or it is the ghost of the Banyan tree who is talked by everyone but seen by none.
Result. I am unemployed. Not a penny of contribution to the national income! But I have been useful in a certain way. Suddenly my neighbors & relatives have found a burning topic to discuss in the midst of their socially bored life. Now, after you complete your MBA meaning of the questions thrown upon you change. For example-

1. Wats up? (You got a job or not..!!)
2. How are you? (Still unemployed..!!)
3. Why don’t you prepare for competitive exams? (I want you to be unemployed forever..!!)
4. My brother’s best friend’s cousin is in Infosys. (You loser..!!)
5. When is your dad’s retirement? (You shameless parasite..!!)
6. Hey, what happened in Balika Vadhu last night? (I know you have nothing else to do..!!)
7. I am going for a movie with my friends. (Sorry dude! I know you can’t afford ..!!)
8. When are your final results coming? (When will you become officially unemployed..!!)
9. I saw your friend in the market today. (He is also unemployed..!!)
10. You took loan for your MBA? (God! You are a national liability..!!)
11. Say my hello to your girlfriend. (Is she still with you..!!)
12. You know inflation has increased so much. (And you are still jobless..!!)13. My grandfather is always busy in the garden or with kids. (Even he has something to do..!!)
14. It’s all due to recession. (Only if you were not so dumb..!!)

My fellow unemployed friends, I have some tips for you to avoid the aftereffects’ of unemployment.
• Wake up late to avoid eye contact with your dad. Wait for him to leave.
• Avoid any conversation. It would surely be intended towards your unemployment.
• Spend most of the time sleeping.
• Headache is the best excuse to avoid conversation.
• Be nice to your mother. She is the only person who will come to your rescue every time.
• Avoid going to your friend’s place. He would be going through the same.
• Watch old Hindi movies. Against all odds, the hero wins at the last.

At last, draw inspiration from The Holy Bible. It says who has given the mouth will also feed! In any case everybody gets a job. It’s just a matter of time. Have patience.

Happy unemployment!