Sunday, April 3, 2011

Me, my wife and ACP Pradyuman!

          Imagine this! I came back home tired from my work. I had so many things currently running in my head. Only God knows how I managed to escape from my arrogant boss, how I avoided altercation with my useless colleagues (although it’s a Universal fact for every Office that the term good boss is a myth and every colleague of yours is useless). I gave silly excuses to an insurance agent for not giving him my hard earned money in return for some more money which will never be of any use to me. I scolded few salesmen who were convincing me to buy some rubbish; I acted deaf at the arrival of some beggars in the traffic signal.

          Finally I reached home exhausted and half mad in search of some peace. The last thing I wanted was an eagerly waiting wife all set to ask all the questions that she could accumulate in her head on a single day. This person called “wife” and sometimes referred to as the better half is quite a character in our households. She is always ready with some very typical questions that you never want to answer. The first one always is about how was your day? She is very immaculate about her strategy of reaching that final question around which the game plan is weaved. One thing that you can’t ignore is her habit of first throwing questions and then answering them herself. You can always guess that now she will say that honey you seem very tired, it must be a tough day! Thank God that you don’t have to answer that. Now as per the game plan she will beat around the bush for some time and as you could see it coming, here comes the final question. It could be anything from how I am looking today? ; do I look fat? ; Or it could be some more serious stuff depending on your luck. She will not only target your mental ability but your financial ability as well. The game has now reached a very dangerous stage. Anytime she could ask for a new diamond set, a vacation or a new car. You dare say no at any stage as your opponent is fully loaded with 1000 decibel of screams and tonnes of tears. She has planned it the whole day; she will never accept defeat; the moment you said no will be the last moment of your existence in the vicinity.

          What do I do now? In a last helpless effort to save my manhood and put an end to the conversation (though it cannot be defined as a conversation as only she did all the talking), I picked up the remote and turned on the idiot box. As I was scanning through the channels I could hear some murmuring behind me. Of course I only wished to possess a remote that could mute her (my wife of course) but I believe science is not a definite male otherwise it would have been invented. I was left with only one choice i.e. to increase the volume.

          I felt a little relieved now. But I had to take a decision. What to watch? I surfed through 100 News channels and most interestingly every one of them was flashing one or the other Breaking News. I wonder what is so Breaking about Yuvraj Singh meeting his mom before a match? Anyways I preferred not to break my TV set and moved on. Somewhere in a jungle I found ACP Pradyuman with his moron CID team investigating a case and then ACP said the only lines that he is allowed to speak by waving his hand round and round and scratching his head, “aakhir ye khoon kia kisne?” Somebody tell him, people are watching CID expecting him to solve the case and not to ask obvious questions. I decided to hang on. Watching CID has always given me a sadist feeling. Though I hate the serial but it gives me immense pleasure watching the sick investigation and ridiculous dialogues. It’s an irony as I watch it as a comedy show. There are many things in CID that have never changed. For instance ACP receives a call for every murder and the only word he says is “kyaaaaaa?” Each one of them carries a pair of funny looking gloves and as soon as they see a dead body the first thing everyone does is to wear them in unison as if they are going to operate it. ACP Pradyuman never got promoted and I will tell you why? These are some of his conclusions of very serious cases-

“ek baar ye ladki coma se baahar aa jaye to pata lag jaye ki is par hamla kisne kia tha”
“hmm..gadi k tyre pe gobar laga hai…..jaroor ye kisi guy ka hoga!”
“ye khooni bahut hi chalaak lagta hai”

          Whatever you say but ACP Pradyuman is adorable. For a moment I completely forgot the case of my life! ACP is a real stress buster. The episode ended with ACP successfully solving the case. Though he never tried to solve it except repeating the same line a thousand times again, “aakhir ye khoon kia kisne”? I wonder the murderer would have himself become sick of listening it and said, “maine kia hai, maine..!”

          Thus finally I found some peace. By the time my wife had slept, her deep heavy breaths reminded me that it’s not over yet. She will come back much better prepared tomorrow. But against all odds I had a sigh of relief as I knew that ACP will somehow come to my rescue and yet again help me to solve one more case of a one more day of my life. God bless ACP Pradyuman!

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